Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
