Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
