dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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