I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
