i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
