peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
