Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
