Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
