last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize