dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I still have a little drunk in my system
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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