is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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