Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
