We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
