guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
