i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
