I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
