can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
