"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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