best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
