I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
