i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I intend to get homeless drunk
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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