dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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