Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Be still, my beating vagina.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
