Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
