In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
