Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
