you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Randomize
