i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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