I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
