She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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