i was born a porn star she said
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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