shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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