her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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