Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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