Please, let me fuck your mom
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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