we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
