I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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