I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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