like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
