I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
