after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
