just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
