I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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