Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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