they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
