nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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