fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
