So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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