At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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