i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
