I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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