areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
