Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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