these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
