dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
