Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
