I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
