he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
