OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Is it because I queefed?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
