i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
