it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
