you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
