you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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