Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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