Quick, to the slutcave!
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize