On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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