i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
