You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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