Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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