You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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