the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
