Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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