Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
