the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
